Four Month Update

Hello world!

I have been remiss in updating my blog since I burst onto the scene on April 19, but as it turns out, learning to people is harder than I had been lead to believe. Take, for example, hands. I initially thought they were just totally delicious wiggly things attached to the end of the arms. But no! They can also be used to GRAB THINGS. And then THROW THEM. And then FLAIL THEM UNTIL SOMEONE PUTS SOMETHING IN THEM AGAIN. Each day brings a new and exciting revelation, which leaves me little time to record my memories.

My favourite discovery right now is that I can scream like a pterodactyl (I don’t know what a pterodactyl is, but I can only imagine, since my parents have dubbed me one, that it is a majestic and handsome animal with a melodic and soothing call). Screeching is the best. Sometimes I screech with joy, sometimes with frustration, and sometimes just because I exist (I EXIST WORLD, SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

And there are many other things I enjoy doing, in addition to pterodactyling!

• Drooling
• Putting people’s hands in my mouth and drooling on them
• Blowing spit bubbles
• Boogie-ing down with mommy
• Shaking my booty while daddy helps me stand
• MORE SCREECHING!
• Hamming it up for the camera
• This:

I am also an avid book slapper. My favourite book to slap is “That’s Not My Unicorn” but I will not turn down the chance to slap any book provided to me. (But who doesn’t love a good, slappable book?)

My plans for the future are many and varied, but some of the highlights include:

• Learning to roll
• Realizing that I have rolled onto my tummy and screeching until someone puts me back on my back because being on my tummy is THE ABSOLUTE WORST
• Sitting up on my own
• Slapping more books
• A return trip to the zoo where I will sleep through different animals this time
• Getting my parents to finally understand my complex and nuanced language (otherwise I may have to give up on them and start speaking English — they’re such smart cookies though, I want to give them a fair chance)
• EVEN MORE SCREECHING

I’ll also try to keep my blog better updated in the future, but with so many hand-related epiphanies and screeching to do, it’s a challenge. In the meantime, thanks for checking in on me, Henry, the world’s screechiest baby!

Hi! I’m Henry!

Welcome to my cool website — I hear you would like to know more about me!

A Little About Me

I am Henry, the coolest of all babies (this has been confirmed by both of my parents, who assure me they are also very cool and totally legally certified to designate me thus).

I am planning to arrive and rock everyone’s socks in mid-to-late April of 2019 (please also plan accordingly and wear rockable socks).

Right now, my favourite things to do are to practice my sweet karate punches on the inside of my mom’s tummy, and do sick flips.

Intrigued? Of course you are, read on!

Itty Bitty Baby Health Stuff

Because I am a teeny baby person, there are a couple of things my parents and I would like to ask, when you meet me!

• Big adult person germs can be really tough on itty bitty baby people, so if you have been sick or think you might be getting sick, please give me some space — I promise to give you first snuggle dibs next time I see you to compensate!
• Until I develop my immune system (about 3 months), please don’t kiss me on the mouth or cheeks — I know, this is going to be really hard, because I’m going to have a super kissable little face, but it’s pretty important for my itty bitty baby health. Please note that my forehead is totally prime kissable real estate, plus, bonus new baby head smell!

Also, this isn’t a health thing, but along the same lines: me and my parents want you to be comfortable! If you aren’t interested in holding me, I will totally not be offended (if we’re being honest, I am not interested in holding anyone either — you guys are all really heavy). If you think you do, and then decide it’s weird, or I’m a stink baby, there is no “polite” amount of time you must hold me — I welcome all snuggles, even of the 5-second variety — please feel free to give me back to my parents right away! If you’re not sure how I like to be held, or have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask! No need to be awkward around Henry, the most non-judgey baby ever.

Now, for my favourite part!

So You Want to Buy Me Things

Of course you want to buy me things, I am Henry, I am very cool. My parents have put together a registry for me on Amazon of some of the things they think I will like (if they are wrong, don’t worry, I will puke on them, not on you!) Here are my notes about their list:

• I definitely need some newborn baby clothes, because my parents are silly people. My favourite kind of clothes are onesies with zippers down to the leg, cos they’re easy to get on and off and my parents are already kind of uncoordinated. I am also very partial to footies on my onesies, especially ones with faces, cos my feetsies are my friends!
• I am a thrifty baby — have you seen how expensive new baby clothes are? It’s madness, I tell you! So please feel encouraged to pick up some gently used duds for me — let’s be honest, I’m gonna grow out of these things super fast (because of all my in-womb ninja training, I am going to be a powerhouse).
• I am also not fussy about colours! I am a super rad boy, but that does not mean that I cannot rock pink, if you would like to get me something pink. While I am a newborn, I mostly just look like a little potato, so don’t worry too much about gender norms, friends.
• I am not fussy about themes either — you will probably notice a lot of unicorns on my list. That is all my mom, and while you will probably get bonus points for unicorn related items, I have not yet formed opinions about most things, so any clothes, toys, or whatever, regardless of theme, will blow my tiny baby mind and make me super happy. (If I decide I’m like super into dinosaurs or cubism later, I will totally update this, promise.)

Most importantly: you do not need to buy me anything! The gift of your company and snuggles is more than enough for me. Plus, I do not yet understand economics, and will probably be just as enchanted with wrapping paper, or a tennis ball, as I will be with anything you buy. Ultimately, I apologize if this section has seemed overwrought with consumerism — please blame my parents.

More to Come!

You may have noticed my page is pretty bare bones for now, but I promise that my parents will keep updating it with new stuff, as new stuff happens. In the meantime, thank you for checking out my cool page and getting to know me, Henry, the world’s coolest baby.